I had a gaudy tree I badly wanted to love but I just couldn't because it was so shiny and tacky and gold. Helpless and desperate, I looked up at the sky and shook my fist at the sun, gold and shiny as my tree, and I shouted Help Me!
In the blinding glare and giddy from the heat, I swear I saw Mother Nature smiled at me. Alright, my child, I heard her raspy voice sang, slightly out of tune, I will see what I can doobedoobedoooo.
But there are some things you will have to doobedoobedoo 1st, she continued in a terrible falsetto, before our collaboration starts.
First you must tie a yellow ribbon of iron round the gold *oops tree, then you must sprinkle a spoonful of copper on the leaves to make the medicine go down, ow, ow. After that, you can leave it walking on sunshine, woh-oh.
I was over the moon. Who cares if our collaboration was born, Mother Nature and me, out of the worst medley of songs ever. I knew then that this tree would be covered in patinas of nature and I might just finally love it .
I went to lie down after that conversation with Mother N, my head still throbbing and my heart thumping. I didn't sleep easy although my real mama claimed I snored.
I tried to tell her I wasn't snoring. It was this rusty tree I kept seeing in my dreams, mama. It had real roses growing on it and it looked crazy scary. I wasn't snoring, mama, I was SNORTING. I was snorting at what a nap mare that tree was!