Day 360- Suitcase Garden For Victoria

Dear Hattie or Haggaleana Amphibiana Tactlessa Tattoomama Indelabella Esmeralda for long, 

Once again, congratulations, dear girl, on THE wedding of THE century! FINALLY, if I may add, but the wait was well worth it, right? What a FANTABULOUS party that was! You have NEVER looked prettier, my dear and I just loved that new colour you used on your face. Seasick Green? You couldn't have chosen a better shade to match your lawn. Such a BRILLIANT idea too to hold the reception there. Heard that your wedding planner was Victorian Secrets? She's just the BEST!

And my, o my, what a handsome devil that Count of yours is. He looked so PERFECTLY pale. One look at him and you'd know what answer the mirror would give when asked who's the FAIREST of them all? I heard the freshly-dead look is all the rage now in Transylvania? Who did his make-up? Vlad? That Vlad is not called The ImPaleFace for nothing, I tell you. 

Alright now, back to business. I have finally completed the Broomsticks-On-The-Go and here they are, all packed in a suitcase and delivered. Now, let me explain how it works.

The fibers for the bristles come in 7 colours, a colour for each continent. Now, now, you should know better than to ask me which colour for where, dear girl. Why do you think my tagline is Fly To Find Out? Hahahahaha. Such a clever tagline, don't you think? AND that's not all! I am throwing in the ones for Heaven, Hell and The Middle Earth, all bundled and ready to fly, FREE! The continental ones are perpetual because  you can grow them in the suitcase and they will NEVER, EVER RUN OUT! Those for Heaven, Hell and The Middle Earth however are good for 3 flights. Listen now. It's NOT one, NOT two but THREE good and long flights! What a deal, right?

AND THERE'S MORE!

You get a single-valved, combustible, slim & sleek broomstick, FREE, of course! 

One size fits all, GUARANTEED! 

And if you think there's it, boy, are you wrong, wrong, wrong! Of course, there are more, more more! 

This Mega-Pack also includes a Long Haul and Short Haul Flight Stick, batteries INCLUDED! Short and sassy if you are out only for some domestic flying and for those long international flights, you can now do them comfortably, LYING DOWN with our ultra long but stick thin option! How's that for COMPLETE?

And I am so saving the BEST for LAST! DRUMROLLLLL please!!!!!

While I unveil something I have built JUST FOR YOU!!!!

THE TWIN TURBO SWEEPER!

No, no, no darling, it doesn't go twice as fast. I know you want something slow and easy, after all, it's your honeymoon. This is just a fancy name for a broomstick built for two. Now you, my Highest Countess, and your magnificent Count, need no longer fly in separate broomsticks with our supercharged single engine but twin turbo sweeper. What a savings on wind fuel! AND AT NO EXTRA CHARGE! 

What do you think, dear Hattie? Do all the extras more than make up for the time taken to finish your order? I know you are still stuck somewhere on your honeymoon because these broomsticks couldn't come to you in time, but slow and easy is always good on a honeymoon, right? 

Good doing business with you!

xxx

Bloody Awe-Sans!
Brooms-To-Go. You'll Have To Fly To Find Out!

P.S. No returns allowed, sorry!