Sunday, 27 January 2013

Day 360- Suitcase Garden For Victoria

Once again, congratulations, dear girl, on THE wedding of THE century! FINALLY, if I may add, but the wait was well worth it, right? What a FANTABULOUS party that was! You have NEVER looked prettier, my dear and I just loved that new colour you used on your face. Seasick Green? You couldn't have chosen a better shade to match your lawn. Such a BRILLIANT idea too to hold the reception there. Heard that your wedding planner was Victorian Secrets? She's just the BEST!

And my, o my, what a handsome devil that Count of yours is. He looked so PERFECTLY pale. One look at him and you'd know what answer the mirror would give when asked who's the FAIREST of them all? I heard the freshly-dead look is all the rage now in Transylvania? Who did his make-up? Vlad? That Vlad is not called The ImPaleFace for nothing, I tell you. 

Alright now, back to business. I have finally completed the Broomsticks-On-The-Go and here they are, all packed in a suitcase and delivered. Now, let me explain how it works.

The fibers for the bristles come in 7 colours, a colour for each continent. Now, now, you should know better than to ask me which colour for where, dear girl. Why do you think my tagline is Fly To Find Out? Hahahahaha. Such a clever tagline, don't you think? AND that's not all! I am throwing in the ones for Heaven, Hell and The Middle Earth, all bundled and ready to fly, FREE! The continental ones are perpetual because  you can grow them in the suitcase and they will NEVER, EVER RUN OUT! Those for Heaven, Hell and The Middle Earth however are good for 3 flights. Listen now. It's NOT one, NOT two but THREE good and long flights! What a deal, right?


You get a single-valved, combustible, slim & sleek broomstick, FREE, of course! 

One size fits all, GUARANTEED! 

And if you think there's it, boy, are you wrong, wrong, wrong! Of course, there are more, more more! 

This Mega-Pack also includes a Long Haul and Short Haul Flight Stick, batteries INCLUDED! Short and sassy if you are out only for some domestic flying and for those long international flights, you can now do them comfortably, LYING DOWN with our ultra long but stick thin option! How's that for COMPLETE?

And I am so saving the BEST for LAST! DRUMROLLLLL please!!!!!

While I unveil something I have built JUST FOR YOU!!!!


No, no, no darling, it doesn't go twice as fast. I know you want something slow and easy, after all, it's your honeymoon. This is just a fancy name for a broomstick built for two. Now you, my Highest Countess, and your magnificent Count, need no longer fly in separate broomsticks with our supercharged single engine but twin turbo sweeper. What a savings on wind fuel! AND AT NO EXTRA CHARGE! 

What do you think, dear Hattie? Do all the extras more than make up for the time taken to finish your order? I know you are still stuck somewhere on your honeymoon because these broomsticks couldn't come to you in time, but slow and easy is always good on a honeymoon, right? 

Good doing business with you!

Bloody Awe-Sans!
Brooms-To-Go. You'll Have To Fly To Find Out!

P.S. No returns allowed, sorry!


rosanna said...

Dearie, you make me laugh!
You sound like a damn used cars seller, veeery funny!
I am sure that the countess will be overjoyed with her brooms garden
Have a lovely evening,I'll go out in minutes for a healthy walk in the cold winter sun
Rosanna <3

Sans! said...

used car seller? But I was going for one of those informercial kind of seller! Teehee :)

While you are out walking, I am going to take a nap ! :):)

Virginia Isabel CoMa said...

A veces dudo si lo que haces es miniatura o realidad.

Daydreamer said...

Hee Hee, You have definitely made a one-of-a-kind Magical Wonder with this suitcase Sans!!! A Broomstick Garden!!!! Of Course!!! Ha Ha! and the Variety of brooms... I tell you it made me shiver to hear there is a Heaven Hell and Middle Earth choice... OOOH La LA!! But this Fly it to find out part... that is the most outrageous ... shivery... exciting... terrifyingly Witchy part of all!!! Happy Flying Hattie!!! I am sure Victoria will be Over-the-Moon-in-love with this garden!

The Old Maid said...

LOL! And LOL!! And LOL! Your post is as usual FANTASTIC! But of course so is the Suitcase Garden for Hattie! Buy, isn't she a lucky one?!I too think Victoria will love it!
Hugs and kisses

ps.Hope you all had a great trip? Any photos from it, please?;)
Hugs and kisses from all of us to you.:):)

Ascension said... he equivocado de blog???? jejeje
O este blog es de un vendedor ambulante, charlatan y embaucador....o.....mi amiga se ha vuelto loca jejejejejejeje
Me encanta esta has convencido, te compro una de esas fantasticas escobas ultimo modelo jejeje
besitos ascension

Ilona said...

Love that broomstick suitcase, Sans! Victoria will be crazy for this :D!!
Great story, you can call that broom for two a "two seater"-broom ;)!
Hugs, Ilona

Fabiola said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fabiola said...

Your suitcase garden is wonderful!
Bye Faby

BiWuBär said...

Just climbed up again after heavily ROFLing on the floor... this was sooooooo funny!!! I'm sure Hattie will love her suitcase garden whenever she returns from her honeymoon... I only think she will regret she didn't get that "two-seater" earlier. And not to forget the best of all wedding planners from Victorian Secrets, Victoria will be over the moon with this extraordinary garden suitcase. Who knows, maybe one day I will ask you whether I may borrow this idea for my second witch tower... a broomstick plantation... sounds like a great idea.

Hugs and thanks for giving me a very good laugh

Maria Ireland said...

Sans your post is fantastic My sides hurt from all the laughing :DDD The broom garden is awesome. I am sure Victoria and Hattie are over the moon with it :)))
Hugs Maria

Rosamargarita said...

Una entrada fantástica! La maleta, las escobas, las fotos y el humor!

Muchos besos

Sans! said...

Jaja, Virginia, las flores son reales. son pequeñas flores secas :) :): Muchas gracias por sus elogios, aunque :)

Sans! said...

Estoy muy emocionada de verte de nuevo aquí en blogland! Todos hemos extrañado mucho. Espero que no te vayas agan, ok? Excepto todo el mundo necesita un descanso de vez en cuando y estoy totalmente de puede entender eso.

Todavía estoy muy triste de que mi jardín maleta no te alcancen. Tal vez eso es una buena cosa. Sólo tendrá que enviar algo más :)

Sans! said...

Betsy! I was watching Les Miserables (2012) and realised that the 1st church that Jean Valjean went to , the one he stole the candlesticks from may very well be St Mary's Church. It's the ceiling! What do you think, Ewa?

Sans! said...

I just googled. It is the St Mary's Church but it's the one in England, not Krakow.

Ewa, I will post some pics of my trip :). Fell in love with one of the exhibits in teh Miniature Museum of Taiwan and I want to share them with you guys :).

Sans! said...

Ascensión! Un nuevo cliente! Woohoo!

Ven, ven, ven, no tienen que pagar nada. Fly primero y luego si te gusta, entonces lo voy a cargar a la tarjeta de crédito. Por supuesto, usted tendrá que darme el número de su tarjeta credt antes de enviar el jardín maleta. No te preocupes, cualquier tarjeta de crédito va a hacer. Ni siquiera tiene que ser tuyo!

Sans! said...

Yes , Ilona. I did toil (teehee, I mean toy, all the Witchy Speak is confusing) with the idea. 2 seater, broomstick built for 2 etc etc but I was in an engine mode. So it was twin turbo sweeper :):). There's an element of surprise too because people may be expecting a fast broom instead of a romantic one. I read somewhere that an element of surprise can make your consumers remember the name better.

Now, if you need me to sell something for you, let me know. Maybe we can collaborate? :):)

Sans! said...

Thank you, Faby :):)

Sans! said...

Awwww, Birgit, what a perfect compliment, you wanting to borrow the idea. But I am sure a broom garden is definitely not a unique idea? All witches must want one. Now if you need any of the fiber for the bristle, I will gladly send you some, FREE! I can't tell you what colour is where though because you will have to , now, everyone, repeat after me..

Sans! said...

Ooooh, Maria I, your sides are hurting? I have something just for you ! It's this magical oil that I found in an old town when I was in Taipei...maybe I can fly you some of that! FREE! FREE!FREE!

*(in small print)You only pay if it evaporates!

Drora's minimundo said...

I laughed out aloud reading this funny post.
Hattie will be over the honeyMOON
getting your gift.

Hugs, Drora

Dark Squirrel Victoria said...

Hattie is so lucky! She is going to be over the moon when she sees her gift. Hattie and the Count will return from their world cruise soon and I know Hattie will want to show off the Broom Garden, the first of it's kind. I just hope she doesn't try to push the Count off the double broom in a fit of Diva.

Thank you so much Susan!


carmen said...

jaaaa...que bueno!

Margriet said...

Your suitcase gardens are unique dear Sans!! And this one must be my favorite....a garden with broomsticks, it's amazing!!! You have a strange and rich imagination......I love it!!!

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